Healthy Vs. Abusive Relationships

Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you are in a healthy relationship. There are so many messages we receive from the media, music, and even our family and friends that make abusive relationships seem sexy or a part of true love. Plus, all relationships have their ups and downs. So how do you know what is part of a normal relationship and what is abuse?

Check out some differences between a healthy and abusive relationship. Where does yours fit?

In Healthy Relationships...

• You feel safe and comfortable with each other
• Communication is open and spontaneous - you listen to each other and feel that you are heard. You decide things together.
• You can express your feelings without fear of your partner's reactions.
• Rules and boundaries are clearly defined, yet allow for flexibility if you desire change.
• Feelings and needs are expressed, appreciated and respected by both.
• You can be together, as a couple, without loosing your sense of yourself.
• Personal growth, change, and exploration are encouraged for each by each.
• Both have meaningful relationships and interests outside the relationship.
• You each take responsibility for your own behaviors and happiness.
• You do not try to change or control your partner, and vise versa.
• You can say "no" without feeling guilty about it.
• There is a balance of giving and receiving.
• Each person can enjoy being alone, and requests for privacy are respected. 
  

In Abusive Relationships One Partner...

• Pressures you into having sex.
• Criticizes, or humiliates you.
• Checks up on you, where you've been without them.
• Is jealous of friends.
• Doesn't accept breaking up.
• Tries to control you and the relationship.
• Gives you orders.
• Makes all the decisions.
• Doesn't take your opinion seriously.
• Is scary.
• Gets too serious too fast.
• Provokes fights.
• Is not thought of highly by family or friends.
• Believes that they should be in control.
• Uses violence.